Everyone knows people with brain damage can do whatever they want...

Adding one more step to the 12-step program that is "Becoming Britney Spears", here's Miley Cyrus with Brett Michaels. Hey, no big deal right? Wrong! More like one big jpeg of awesome! Tish Cyrus (Miley's whore of a mother) allegedly had an affair with the brain damaged rocker dying rocker brain damaged rocker, splitting up her marriage to Billy Ray and putting Miley one crotch grab and barefoot gas station trip away from crazy. Well done white trash, well done.

Forget the sexy angel; I'm going as an elephant next year.

To the left we have exhibit A: Amanda Seyfried dressed like a dog because she forgot she's a Hollywood actress and the mainstay rule on Halloween, you're supposed to be a slut.
To the right, exhibit B: Ryan Phillippe driving Seyfried home to presumably have sex with her, we can only hope, in the doggie-style position.

And that's true romance if I've ever seen it. I on the other hand dressed like a complete slut and did not come home with Ryan Phillippe or anyone who even remotely looked good or famous; I stumbled into my apartment with a candy and beer induced tummy ache and what I now believe to be herpes.

Totally getting me in the mood Spencer...

Because I'm in a heinous mood today- I want everyone else to be as well! What better way than to remind everyone that this is still happening, they're still getting attention and everyone else in the world looks at America as a combination of Snookis, Speidis and Kate Gosselins.

France isn't lookin so bad right about now...

Is that the thing from Star Wars?

Oh man, sorry I need new glasses. Anyway, here's Jessica Simpson continuing to clear a path of irrelevancy by eating?

Look I don't know either, I'm just trying to take stabs at why she keeps getting fatter. It's like the 8th wonder of the world.

Like trying to hide a building behind a wetnap

I don't know if you could tell by the infamous meat pouch that takes up the entire picture, but here's Kim Kardashian trying to hide the one thing she's famous for.

No not Ray-J... no not that other black guy... no not a face full of pee- ok trying to hide the other-other thing that made her famous.

I just really like how she uses her one hand to try and hide something the size of ground zero. If anything, she should be happy that the immense size of her ass makes her hand look super skinny. You go girl! I wish my hand was that skinny; what's your secret?

A for Effort?

This week's "How To": Permanently Scarring Your Children

Famous boxer, Floyd Mayweather, was arrested and charged with grand larceny (please continue reading and then explain to me what larceny has to do with anything) in an incident involving the mother of his 3 children.

Allegedly, Mayweather showed up early in the day inquiring about 30-year old Josie Harris' new boyfriend. When she refused to answer questions, Mayweather left only to return late that evening with a friend.

Harris says after waking her, he pulled her to the ground by her hair and punched her repeatedly in the back of the head. Two of the 3 children watched as Mayweather beat Harris and twisted her arm behind her back in an attaempt to break it. Mayweather allegedly told the children that if anyone ran or tried to call police, he would do that same to them.

Harris' 10 year old son ran to the back of the house to a separate building where a friend of Harris stays and the woman then called police, who arrived after Mayweather had already fled the scene (note- the kid has not been beaten to a pulp yet so Mayweather clearly does not stand by his threats... pussy).

The 33-year old former boxer was released on $3,000 bail and has not been charged with any domestic battery as of yet.

Evidently, someone forgot to tell Mayweather that this is a mugshot for beating a woman in front of her children, and not a damn photo shoot. I'm pretty sure after your arrest and fingerprinting, the cop doesn't yell "cheese!" when he takes the picture. Although I wouldn't know; if you want factual information go ask Lindsay Lohan and stop reading blogs as your source of news.