Zac and Vanessa split over argument about who has better hair

Ok I can't confirm that, you know, because I made it up. But if I had to bet money on the reason these two ended their 3-year relationship, I would bet my life savings on that headline. All 75 dollars of it.

Anyway, their reps say it was amicable; they remain friends... a bunch of other crap that celebrity reps always say.

Let's hope the real reason comes out sooner than later. Because I know I'm not the only one looking at his hair and thinking how awkward it must have been for Vanessa to walk in on him playing tummy sticks with Taylor Lautner.

Jessica Simpson?

Woops, sorry, wrong fatty. Here's Ke$ha thudding around a beach in Australia yesterday. I knew the girl couldn't sing, but she's not even bulimic? What is the world coming to?

Everyone knows people with brain damage can do whatever they want...

Adding one more step to the 12-step program that is "Becoming Britney Spears", here's Miley Cyrus with Brett Michaels. Hey, no big deal right? Wrong! More like one big jpeg of awesome! Tish Cyrus (Miley's whore of a mother) allegedly had an affair with the brain damaged rocker dying rocker brain damaged rocker, splitting up her marriage to Billy Ray and putting Miley one crotch grab and barefoot gas station trip away from crazy. Well done white trash, well done.

Forget the sexy angel; I'm going as an elephant next year.

To the left we have exhibit A: Amanda Seyfried dressed like a dog because she forgot she's a Hollywood actress and the mainstay rule on Halloween, you're supposed to be a slut.
To the right, exhibit B: Ryan Phillippe driving Seyfried home to presumably have sex with her, we can only hope, in the doggie-style position.

And that's true romance if I've ever seen it. I on the other hand dressed like a complete slut and did not come home with Ryan Phillippe or anyone who even remotely looked good or famous; I stumbled into my apartment with a candy and beer induced tummy ache and what I now believe to be herpes.

Totally getting me in the mood Spencer...

Because I'm in a heinous mood today- I want everyone else to be as well! What better way than to remind everyone that this is still happening, they're still getting attention and everyone else in the world looks at America as a combination of Snookis, Speidis and Kate Gosselins.

France isn't lookin so bad right about now...

Is that the thing from Star Wars?

Oh man, sorry I need new glasses. Anyway, here's Jessica Simpson continuing to clear a path of irrelevancy by eating?

Look I don't know either, I'm just trying to take stabs at why she keeps getting fatter. It's like the 8th wonder of the world.

Like trying to hide a building behind a wetnap

I don't know if you could tell by the infamous meat pouch that takes up the entire picture, but here's Kim Kardashian trying to hide the one thing she's famous for.

No not Ray-J... no not that other black guy... no not a face full of pee- ok trying to hide the other-other thing that made her famous.

I just really like how she uses her one hand to try and hide something the size of ground zero. If anything, she should be happy that the immense size of her ass makes her hand look super skinny. You go girl! I wish my hand was that skinny; what's your secret?