Well, this is effing disgusting

Evidently, back in '04, Liza Minelli's chauffeur, M'Hammad Soumaya, sued the scary gay man actress/singer for $100 million claiming she would drunkenly beat him and demand sex.

The sexual harrassment lawsuit has finally come to an end, although we don't have details on how much was paid out. According to PerezHilton.com, this comes just 2 years after settling a lawsuit with ex-husband David Gest over... you guessed it, beatings!

This chick is straight pimp! This is what 2010 is all about people- walk into a bar, slap some dude in the face then demand a top shelf drink and some sloppy gay sex. I just found a new role model...

Lucky bitch.

Gisele Bundchen gave birth to a baby boy yesterday... disproving my theory that she had just gotten fat. Damn.

On the bright side, in 18 years the most beautiful boy/man will be legally ripe for the picking... I just hope I still look this good when I'm 42.

Jesus Christ I'm old.

Cheater doesn't wrap his Peter

While the slew of fame-whores come out of the Woods work, including porn star Holly Sampson (photo), we're learning a lot about Tiger's sexual habits... namely the trashier the better, and no condoms needed of course!

According to US Magazine:

" 'He didn't use a condom,' says Grubbs, who adds that Woods also didn't ask if she was on birth control, either. 'It wasn't even discussed. He just never used one.' Apparently, he also didn't use condoms while bedding 33-year-old restaurant manager Mindy Lawton, according to Lawton's sister, Lynn. 'She said he never wore condoms,' Lynn told British tabloid, News of the World. 'I was so worried she might catch a disease, especially as we suspected he was promiscuous.' "

I'm guessing Elin didn't know about this when she left, taking a crappy pre-nup and vaginal warts with her. You know, $80 million doesn't buy happiness, but it would buy a lifetime's supply of Valtrex... your fault.

"Golf is a game where white men dress as black pimps" -Tiger Woods

Grrr... well said Tiger. But I guess in your case it's black men dressed as... well, black men who act white and actually think the women they bang on the side aren't in it for the money. Zing!

Let's have a short recap- Waitress bangs Tiger. Tiger gets caught. Wife beats Tiger with 9-iron. Tiger runs like little panzy. Tiger crashes car into tree as wife smashes in rear windows. Police say everything's A-OK!

While Woods originally denied affair rumors, he seemed to change his story, eventually apologizing for his "transgressions" and for bringing shame to his family.

Now that that's out of the way, we get down to the fun part, and by fun part I mean hush money! Rachel Uchitel, the mistress, was set to have a press conference today where she would allegedly confirm the affair reports. Unfortunately for us, it was cancelled according to RadarOnline:

"Tiger's people are desperate to keep Rachel from talking about Tiger and that they were willing to go a long, long way to keep her silent.One source claimed that Rachel was negotiating a $1 million payoff by Tiger's people to remain silent. When asked about this, Gloria Allred told RadarOnline.com, "no comment."

While Rachel's making bank from being a slut, Elin Woods is getting a nice payoff as well. According to YourCelebrityStuff.com, Elin will receive $5 million immediately, followed by 5 payments equaling a total of $75 million over the next 7 years, provided she stay married to the golfer as well as play the role of loving and dutiful wife for the press.

So yesterday I felt a little bad for her, but not only is she a Swedish model, but all she has to do is pretend she's having sex with a very white black man for a few years and she has enough money to buy Starbucks and lock Britney out. It's like she won the lottery, lucky bitch.

Happy Birthday Crazy!

Our favorite nut case turned 28 yesterday. Brit celebrated with boyfriend (i.e. guy who won't marry her for fear of turning into K-Fed) Jason Trawick at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood.

In celebration of her even making it to 28 without losing one of her children, putting Starbucks out of business or eating her own hair extentions (in public)... let's look back at the old Britney Spears we know and love.

Video: YouTube Pic: Hollywood Grind

What the Helen happened?

Here's "Twister" star Helen Hunt looking a bit dishevelled these days, but I guess that's expected seeing as how her last big movie is 13 years old! Was it really that long ago?

Look on the bright side Helen; nobody cares that your career is in the shitter when you look like the walking dead. Just ask Madonna.

The woman slowly becoming my replacement for Heidi and Spencer

Carrie Prejean's sex tape scandal seems like it will never end... at least until she sells a few copies of her book that is.

But here to defend his sister, his family, and his honor- Billy Prejean everybody:

"It was from a cell phone, it was supposed to be totally confidential. I think people should move on."
Still, even he admits that he would watch the tapes if they were published: "If they were put in front of me I'd probably watch it." (RadarOnline)

Oh my God, go back to Kentucky.

Do we really need more reasons to hate Miley?

Early this morning just outside Richmond, VA, one of Miley Cyrus' tour busses flipped over leaving the driver dead and a crew member injured. The AP reports:

"Sgt. Thomas Molnar said the bus overturned around 8:15 a.m. about 40 miles (65 kilometers) south of Richmond. One of the other nine passengers had minor injuries. Police would not identify those aboard. A wrecker arrived late Friday morning to haul away the black-and-maroon luxury tour bus, which was on its side in a ditch off the highway where it had apparently skidded for several hundred feet. According to Miley Cyrus' Web site, the pop singer is scheduled to perform Sunday in Greensboro, North Carolina."

My condolences to the driver's family.

Even more unfortunate: Miley was not on the bus.

Back to the drawing board...

What's so funny you ask? Rape!

Actress Sofia Vergara (yeah, I don't know either) stopped by The View yesterday to bring a little comic relief to the ladies... in the form of rape jokes of course!

When asked how she (now 37) pulled off having a son who's only 18, she replies saying she was raped... and proceeds to awkwardly laugh. What's one better? The rest of the ladies laugh along with her and continue the conversation as if it never happened. The only one who looks even slightly uncomfortable is Whoopi... but come on Whoopi, she probably isn't talking about "rape rape" right?

Maybe we should ask Roman Polanski his opinion.

Thanks TMZ for the vid.

Twilight just got a whole lot scarier!

Here's actress Nikki Reed (Rosalie Hale) at the New Moon premiere in Westwood, CA.

I'll start by saying, good outfit choice; as long as you look better than Kristen Stewart (which is not hard) you win!

Next, I'd like to denounce my love of the Twilight saga here and now. I happened to glance behind Nikki and realized that no matter how large the phenom, I will be no part of that disgusting looking group of fans.

If I were Nikki, I would have stabbed them with that pen by now.

The most shocking news I've ever heard

Victoria Beckham sat down with Allure magazine for the December issue, dishing about everything from eating habits to sex with Becks (obviously the only reason anyone is reading this):

On tanning: "I don't self-tan anymore; it's frustrating when people criticize my color. It's the color that I am! I wear sunblock, but I live in a hot climate."

On pajamas: "I tend to wear nothing, but David bought me these little sets from Agent Provocateur, his favorite store."

On being called Posh or Victoria: "I'm so respectful of the Spice Girls, and I love all the girls dearly, but it's nice now that people know my name. But either is a compliment. I mean, I've been called a lot worse."

Salad or hamburger: "Salad. I'm not going to lie. I'm not one of these people that says, "Oh, I eat hamburgers."

On having sex or getting some shut-eye: "Sex. I'm getting into bed with David Beckham every night, so, you know, there'd be something wrong if I said 'sleep'."

Whoaaaaa! Hold the phone- this bitch doesn't eat hamburgers??? Who knew...

Judging by her videos, the Grammy's are going to be set on fire this year...

Talk about a snub! Lady Gaga got a nom last year for Just Dance in the "you've never heard of it because it's one of those crappy pre-show awards" Dance Recording category at the Grammys.

Even though this has been her break out year, releasing several singles from The Fame and outselling almost everyone, because she was technically nominated last year, she is ineligible for the Best New Artist category this year.

Do you know how many gay people you just pissed off Grammys? They better heighten security before someone gets bitch slapped and sprinkled with glitter!

If I want to touch Robert Pattinson's naughty part, does that make me a "Twi-hard?"

The Twilight stars gathered in Westwood, CA last night for the premiere of the latest in the saga: New Moon.

Fans started arriving as early as Thursday morning, from as far away as New York, just to catch a glimpse of one of the stars Monday night as they walked the red carpet. The lines of fans stretched well past the corner of the block.

How f*ing ridiculous. Look, Rob Pattinson gives me a Twi-hardon too, but no way am I sleeping on a sidewalk for 4 days just so I can see a glimpse of the back of his retarded hair.

That's what Edward blow-up dolls are for. Shwing!

Megan Fox is pretty... stupid

Megan Fox decided to share some important viewpoints with the New York Times recently, and we're not talking healthcare crisis or gay marriage, this stuff is deep:

On haters: "Women tear each other apart. Girls think I'm a slut, and I've been in the same relationship since I was 18. The problem is, if they think you're attractive, you're either stupid or a whore or a dumb whore."

On, um, other things?: "I've learned that being a celebrity is like being a sacrificial lamb. At some point, no matter how high the pedestal that they put you on, they're going to tear you down. And I created a character as an offering for the sacrifice. I'm not willing to give my true self up. It's a testament to my real personality that I would go so far as to make up another personality to give to the world. The reality is, I'm hidden amongst all the insanity. Nobody can find me."

Let me take a minute to clear things up for you Megan; girls think you're stupid because, you're stupid. What you just said makes absolutely no sense and I am now dumber having heard you speak. Thank you.

Yes, we know, you got boobs...

Amy Winehouse was spotted out n about flaunting her new cans for the world to see.

We get it trainwreck, you got fake boobs, they're great, I would know. But do you have to literally let them hang out of your shirt all day?

Then again, I guess if my face looked like that I would too.

Sad part is... people will actually buy this shit

The worst human beings in the history of the world have just penned a book together explaining... wait for it... wait for it... "How to Be Famous: Our Guide to Looking the Part, Playing the Press and Becoming a Tabloid Fixture."

The book hits stores November 16th and has such chapters as "Playing the Villain" as well as picture instructions on "How to say 'I hate you' without saying a word."

Well, here's how to say I hate you with words... Heidi and Spencer, I f*ing hate you.

For the love of America and the need to not make ourselves look any dumber than we already are... please do not buy this book. I'm begging you. The French will never let us live it down.

Chris Brown's PR people are collectively committing suicide as we speak...

Because his newest single is out and he wants to butcher his record sales, Chris Brown released this statement to MTV News following Rihanna's interview with Diane Sawyer:

"While I respect Rihanna's right to discuss the specific events of February 8, I maintain my position that all of the details should remain a private matter between us," he said in the statement. "I do appreciate her support and wish her the best. I am extremely sorry for what I did, and I accept accountability for my actions. At this point, I am taking the proper steps to learn about me and grow from my mistakes. I only hope that others in similar situations can learn from our experience as well. Abuse of any kind is always wrong. The rest I leave it to God."

So after abusing his girlfriend, then showing remorse by partying and jet-skiing for a week, he decided to ice the cake by telling Rihanna to shut her mouth... why don't you just twitter about how Diane Sawyer is next up for a beat down and finger-biting while you're at it Chris? And I thought frappucino-crazed Britney was a publicist's worst nightmare.

Americans aren't the dumbest people in the world afterall...

Here's Britney Spears looking as cockeye-nippled as always, only this time, there's an air of Australian pissed-offness surrounding her after many concert goers walked out on Friday night mid-show asking for their money back. According to The Sunday Telegraph:

"Spears mimed most of her songs on stage, singing only on ballads... The lack of big screens - masking Spears' miming and taking the focus away from her rigid performance - left many in the cheap seats fuming. Fans complained that the US pop star spent large portions of the in-the-round show with her back to them."

Many in the audience complained that you wouldn't have been able to tell if it was even the real Britney on stage.

Look Australia, if you buy a ticket to a Britney Spears concert expecting anything more than her rolling around on the stage not wearing a bra and drinking frappucinos... well you're dumber than Americans. And we're going to make sure the French know about this.

Baahahahahaaaaa!


Wait, I'm not done yet... bahahahahahahahaaaaaaahhahahhahahahaaa!


A New Zealand based company has started using Hilton's image in their billboard advertisements, pissing off princess enough to get her lawyers involved.

According to the Sunday Star Times:

"Hilton's Los Angeles-based manager Jamie Freed said Wellington billboard company, Media5, had no permission to use Hilton's image, and they could expect to hear from Hilton's lawyers."

How can they say that's wrong? This is like using an image of genital herpes and writing "scary" across the top, it's just fact.

Who cares? He's the ugly one

Prince Harry and his on-again-off-again blonde, Chelsy Davy, were seen together at a London rugby match on Saturday.

Could this mean they're back on again? Or just using each other for fame/sex/pissing off granny?

Seeing as how no one cares about Harry because he's neither the cute one nor the one taking over as King, I think he should really knock Queen Mum's socks off and date someone like Amy Winehouse. I would literally have to shut down my blog because there could be nothing worth reporting ever again after that happened. Barmy!

Watch out Brad Pitt... you have some big competition, literally

Rosie O"Donnell went on Howard Stern the other day and decided to let the world know that she totally coulda hit Angelina pre-Brad.

"She gave me her phone number," O'Donnell recalls."We talked on the phone two or three times, but that was that . . .There was a tentative plan to have dinner that never came through."
"I was a little afraid of her. She's scary in a sexual kind of way. I have dreams about her a lot still."

Let me sum this up for you- Rosie O'Donnell sex dreams include Ange- Oh my god I just threw up... seriously. I need to go clean out my keyboard.

The Scariest F***ing Halloween Ever...

Here's Speidi dressed as Jon and Kate for Halloween. That makes sense, the only 2 reality stars the world hates more than Jon and Kate dress up as them for Halloween.


What's sad is this is the only picture where I've thought Kate Gosselin actually looks halfway decent.


Let's just hope Speidi stays on the pill or God has rendered her sterile, because if this came true, "Anorexic fame whore and devil albino beard + any number of disgusting satanic spawn", the reality series, will make me laugh at the Exorcist for how not scary it is in comparison.

Prisoners tortured through music... yeah, me too

Requests have been filed by the Close Gitmo Now organization and several famed musicians to release information on music used in interrogation at prisons and military detention centers.

Based on testimony from former prisoners, music ranging from Britney to AC/DC was used to literally drive interrogation victims crazy, and now bands like R.E.M. and Pearl Jam want the informaiton declassified so they know exactly whose music was used in the process.

Uh oh, government gots some 'splainin to do.

In all fairness, my car's a piece of shit and I have to listen to the radio everyday... what those prisoners are suing for isn't torture, it's America. Paris Hilton's album sold over 100,000 copies... enough said.

Rapper busted for jaywalking... haha just kidding, its the usual gun charges

Rapper, Lil Wayne, is facing a year in prison for a felony weapon charge. He was facing a sentence of up to 3 1/2 years but entered a plea bargain pleading guilty to second-degree attempted weapon possession. The loaded .40 caliber semi-automatic gun was found on his tour bus and linked to Wayne via DNA tests.

You know, if I were a judge, I would totally fall for the "a guy in a pashmina scarf and reading glasses could never kill a guy" act, oh, except that you have tear drops tattooed down your face. Smart move.

OMG, being filthy rich for doing nothing is like, so hard...

Then again, any publicity's good publicity.

Stephanie Pratt (see: Satan's sibling; see also: retard on "The Hills") was pulled over for DUI around 4 this morning.

She was taken into custody and bail set at $5,000.

You know, driving drunk is a serious crime, but what's worse is putting poor Stephanie in jail while Speidi runs around with that disgusting gingery-looking pube hair on his face. If I had beaten Obama in the election (you can apologize later) beheading Spencer and placing his devil face on the white house fence post would have been my first order of business. I think it would really give the economy the boost it's been looking for.

How not to get your own reality show...

Falcon's aka Balloon Boy's parents are in some deep shiz.

After an investigation into the balloon boy incident, or what I like to call the hour and a half of my life I'll never get back, police have discovered what they believe to be a hoax intended to land them a tv show.

Not only did 6 yr old Falcon pretty much admit during interviews that this was staged, but loving dad over there decided it was best to call his local news station when the event happened, rather than 911.

I feel these conspiracy and neglect charges are coming a little late for the parents- I can't remember ever seeing a case of neglect and child abuse worse than this-- I mean look at his haircut!

Lindsay's really sowwy...

If those eyes don't say "I'm profusely apologetic, have learned my lesson, and realize what the perils of drug addiction have done to my career", well I don't know what does.

Britney junior over here decided to ditch her alcohol education classes (part of her probation for a 2007 DUI) to leave the state for "work" and ended up back in court today.

I, for one, completely understand not coming back after the first 20 minutes of class number one. She probably ran out of the room screaming "fraud" once she realized the class doesn't educate you on how to drink more alcohol.

But really Lindsay, work?

Rose McGowan is aging gracefully

Rose McGowan attended the M.A.D. Paperball in New York a few days ago looking, well... this is what you get for dating Marilyn Manson.

That's why I have a strict policy against a penis and boobs at the same time... you can't have your cake and eat... oh wait, that's gross sounding.

I have no words...

Ice-T's wife, Coco, has a Twitter account. I knew deep down I hated Twitter, but I just couldn't pinpoint exactly why...

now I know.

Not only have I been legally blinded in one and a half eyes but the image you see before you has been permanently sketched in my mind. If I ever commit suicide, consider this picture my note.

Young money milli-onaire... actually 4 of them

Lil Wayne has just confirmed rumors that rapper Nivea (yeah I don't know either) is giving birth to his son and, count 'em, fourth child!

Actress, Lauren London, gave birth to his son just last month adding to a child from his ex-wifey and some college hoe who got damn lucky.

We get it Weezy, along with being short of breath, you're also extremely fertile. But don't you think it would be cheaper to just buy a box of condoms once in a while?

Let's hope he's investing his milli well, he'll be needing it for the next 18 years.

Can you just OD already?

So despite owing thousands for lent out jewelry that was supposedly "stolen" from her house, and then rumored to be getting sued over owing car rental fees to a company, Lindsay Lohan decides she's still cool enough to piss off famous people, not just the lowly people who wait on her retarded ass.

The former actress decided that in order to host the F1 Rocks in Singapore, featuring some big names in music, she needed to have the largest dressing room, so she could fill the bathtub with coke, or something along those lines (ha! get it, lines).

Well Beyonce, who actually does things, instead of just putting them up her nose, showed up Saturday with a huge entourage and security team to kick Lindsay out of the suite.

In all fairness, did Beyonce really need to diva her way into the room? All she had to do was hand Lohan a bag of baby powder and she would have gladly left, no questions asked.

Dita Von Teese vs. Lady Gaga's penis: which is more confusing?

Famous burlesque dancer and sex symbol, Dita Von Teese, is the new face of wonderbra after creating her own line of old-fashioned lingerie.

I just don't get her. I mean, I get it; she looks ok in a bra, better than I do and her's are even real... but she dated Marilyn Manson. Not only that, but she looks like a girl who would date Marilyn Manson. I just don't see the sexy in that. I don't think I'm being too hard on him, am I? He had boobs and a penis at the same time. The logistics of it are just baffling.

Fake bachelor party before fake wedding forreal cancelled

Lamar Odom of the LA Lakers, and publicity stunt fiance for one of those huge-assed Kardashians, cancelled his bachelor party at the last minute, despite it being planned by the "Girls Gone Wild" guy... wtf?

Odom released a statement to TMZ:

"I am extremely thankful to Joe Francis and Rob Kardashian, for agreeing to host my bachelor party this evening at Hollywood hot spot Les Deux. I regret, I will have to cancel this event because I have now decided to have a private dinner with my teammates, a few close friends and of course Joe Francis and Rob Kardashian."

Well that's a relief- I heard Kim was going to be one of the strippers and as soon as "Shake Ya Ass" started, there would have been a death toll.

What's gayer than a soap opera?

According to In Touch Weekly (and don't get too upset, because how reliable is In Touch Weekly?) Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson will finally confirm their relationship, along with steamy photo shoot, this December for Harper's Bazaar.

More importantly, keep an eye on your children come December, as the suicide rate in annoyingly obsessive teenagers will immediately skyrocket.

Christmas come early!

It's about time this bitch got fat and made me feel good about myself.

Since she and hubby, Tom Brady, have yet to actually confirm she's prego, I'm sticking with the theory that she just put on 30 pounds for the hell of it. And tomorrow, God will make me 5'10", 100 lbs and a millionaire.

God works in mysterious ways...

You mean they can't airbrush the shit out of my real body?

Former Danity Kane singer and current playboy skank, Aubrey O'Day, decided to cancel her 2nd appearance for Vegas' Peepshow.

She realized after the first show that she was fat and not nearly as cute as Holly Madison. And that's not even the sad part! After finding out that her understudy would be taking over from here... a whopping 2 people asked for refunds. Ouch.

Maybe next time you see Holly, you should get lessons on how to suck on old balls. I used to give out career advice professionally; trust me on this one.

I blame Alanis Morrisette

According to the Detroit News, David Coulier owes about $50,000 in state and federal back taxes.

Turns out the IRS filed for about $37,000 in March last year followed by California filing for over $11,000 this past May.

Are you trying to tell me that he can't just Rocky and Bullwinkle his way out of this one, because that shit always worked on DJ and Stephanie when they were mad.

Uncle Jessie would never do something like this... never.

Aaah... young love

Avril Lavigne has decided after 3 years of marriage to Sum 41's Deryk Whibley, it's time to file for divorce.

So you got married at 22 and it didn't work out? I, for one, am shocked.

Unless these 2 robbed Lindsay Lohan's house, shoved pills down Burt Reynolds throat and then interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech all in one night, they are irrelevant and therefore, I don't give a shit...

Moving on.

Just because you wear nice sweaters doesn't mean you don't smoke crack

Amy Winehouse was spotted on Thursday in central London with a new man, probably named Blake, but who knows for sure.

I definitely thought my Gaydar was on point until I saw this one, although I'm not counting it out yet. A popped collar AND tweezed eyebrows...

Unless she's sticking the crackpipe up his ass after they've smoked it, I'm not buying.

What'd you expect him to wear... a wife-beater?

Chris Brown finally got on twitter today to formally admit to and apologize for beating his girlfriend brag about how cool community service is!

First he tweeted "On my way to community service..." followed by "check out my outfit" with a sweet pic of his new work clothes.

I'm glad to see Chris really dressing the part of a remorseful ex-boyfriend... I'm sure every black man in America who hasn't been convicted of abuse is really happy about you giving them a good name. Power to the people.

Jessica Simpson's dead dog has a higher I.Q. than her... after it died

Jessica Simpson still believes that after being snatched by a coyote, her dog, Daisy, is still alive and will be brought home. TMZ states:

"Jessica has been in touch with a lost dog-finding service called FindToto.com -- a company that power dials 1000 of Jessica's closest neighbors in Encino, California to alert them about Simpson's situation. Sources close to the situation claim Jess is still "praying" for the dog, but she knows the "odds are against" her. We're told Jessica is still clinging to hope, because Daisy is "fast" .... and may have seized an opportunity to bolt from her captor".


Yeah... hey Jess, you know who else is fast?

Tony Romo... and I'm not talking about on the field.

And if that doesn't work, you could always beat the childhood out of him with your belt...

Joe Jackson has suggested to TMZ that Kanye be blackballed from the entertainment industry after his behavior at the VMAs, stating:

"I don't know what he was doing, he jumped up on stage and snatched that microphone out of that poor girl's hand. They should blackball him out of show business for that. He just leapt up there, that was bad. I had just gotten through speaking to him, he was introducing me to his girlfriend, and then three minutes later he jumped up on stage. And people booed Kanye all night"

I think we're all in agreement that Kanye is a jackass (word choice courtesy of Obama), but Joe Jackson saying we should blackball Kanye for making Taylor cry is like Vick saying we should blackball the coyote that stole Jessica Simpson's dog.

Vick not only kills dogs... but all chances of future child support

Prego's husband Hank Baskett, 27, was let go from the Eagles's 53 man roster yesterday to make room for Michael Vick to begin practice.

Hey Baskett, how'd that slap across the face feel?

If nothing else, this whole situation really reinforces football players as role models... now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy some dogs, cages and soundproof walls for my basement, because I totally understand how Karma works now.

Perhaps you could pick up Amy on the way?

After Wacko Jacko went 6 feet under, it seems a lot more celebs are in tune to their addiction problems now.

Burt Reynolds has just checked into a rehab facility for his addiction to prescription pills he received after back surgery.

His manager states "Mr. Reynolds hopes his story will help others in a similar situation".

I think the only way his situation would help others is if people actually cared anything about Burt Reynolds anymore. In fact the only reason I posted about it was because of this great picture of him I found online... awesome.

At least Kanye still has 1 admirer

Hey, remember at the end of Jay-Z's VMA performance when Lil Mama appeared out of no where to round out the finale?

Yeah, me either... but I guess since she was never invited to sing... oh, what was it... Lipgloss, on stage at the VMAs, she'd do the next best thing.

According to Lil Moron Mama, she meant no disrespect toward Jay-Z and Alicia Keys but "Empire State of Mind had my emotions running high. In that moment I came up onstage to celebrate my two icons singing about NY".

It's pretty sad when your music sucks so much, you have to jump on stage and try to take credit for other artists' music. I wish she would have taken inspiration from Gaga's performance and... well, you can finish that one.

That's what you get for buying a dog that's not pure bred

Jessica Simpson has been a busy girl putting up fliers of
her now missing Malti-poo Daisy, who was taken by a coyote of all things. Jess twittered:

"My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!"

Is it a coincidence that everyone in Jessica's life leaves her?

No, it's because she made a country album.

What kind of dancing do I do now?

Patrick Swayze passed away at the age of 57 after a long and public battle with cancer.

Rest in peace Johnny Castle. And you know, it could be a lot worse. At least Michael Jackson didn't die today.

If it makes my tummy hurt, does that make it art?

Leave it to Lady "I'm hiding my Disco Stick" Gaga to pull out all the stops for her performance at this year's VMAs. The "Paparazzi" performance left the audience a little queasy with a finale featuring blood and Gaga's lifeless body hanging until the lights faded. After several outfit changes, including an Eskimo/dog chain number, a full face-covering lace garment and of course feather collars and gold eye-patches, I don't know why anyone would be stunned at a little blood.

I love Gaga, but she could perhaps tone it down a bit... we get it, you're artistic and weird. But I don't think looking like a used tampon is what they meant by avant-garde. But what do I know, I shop at Forever21 and they don't understand that menstrual cycles is the new black.

Kanye West... doesn't care... about white people

In what can only be described as the only reason I watch the VMAs, Kanye West did not disappoint as he decided to drunkenly take the stage in the middle of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech, to throw a hissy fit about Beyonce's video not winning.

He grabbed the mic from the 17-year old 1st time winner proclaiming "I'm sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time".


In all fairness, his date was Lucipher the serphent himself, I mean when you come with that kind of company, something evil is bound to happen. I do however disagree with Satan and Kanye's taste in music; maybe Beyonce wouldn't have to sing songs for all the single ladies if she didn't encourage them to "pat their weave" while dancing in the first place. Admitting you're practically bald will not get you a man, or put a ring on it.