Saturday, October 31, 2009

Watch out Brad Pitt... you have some big competition, literally

Rosie O"Donnell went on Howard Stern the other day and decided to let the world know that she totally coulda hit Angelina pre-Brad.

"She gave me her phone number," O'Donnell recalls."We talked on the phone two or three times, but that was that . . .There was a tentative plan to have dinner that never came through."
"I was a little afraid of her. She's scary in a sexual kind of way. I have dreams about her a lot still."

Let me sum this up for you- Rosie O'Donnell sex dreams include Ange- Oh my god I just threw up... seriously. I need to go clean out my keyboard.

The Scariest F***ing Halloween Ever...

Here's Speidi dressed as Jon and Kate for Halloween. That makes sense, the only 2 reality stars the world hates more than Jon and Kate dress up as them for Halloween.

What's sad is this is the only picture where I've thought Kate Gosselin actually looks halfway decent.

Let's just hope Speidi stays on the pill or God has rendered her sterile, because if this came true, "Anorexic fame whore and devil albino beard + any number of disgusting satanic spawn", the reality series, will make me laugh at the Exorcist for how not scary it is in comparison.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Prisoners tortured through music... yeah, me too

Requests have been filed by the Close Gitmo Now organization and several famed musicians to release information on music used in interrogation at prisons and military detention centers.
Based on testimony from former prisoners, music ranging from Britney to AC/DC was used to literally drive interrogation victims crazy, and now bands like R.E.M. and Pearl Jam want the informaiton declassified so they know exactly whose music was used in the process.
Uh oh, government gots some 'splainin to do.
In all fairness, my car's a piece of shit and I have to listen to the radio everyday... what those prisoners are suing for isn't torture, it's America. Paris Hilton's album sold over 100,000 copies... enough said.

Rapper busted for jaywalking... haha just kidding, its the usual gun charges

Rapper, Lil Wayne, is facing a year in prison for a felony weapon charge. He was facing a sentence of up to 3 1/2 years but entered a plea bargain pleading guilty to second-degree attempted weapon possession. The loaded .40 caliber semi-automatic gun was found on his tour bus and linked to Wayne via DNA tests.

You know, if I were a judge, I would totally fall for the "a guy in a pashmina scarf and reading glasses could never kill a guy" act, oh, except that you have tear drops tattooed down your face. Smart move.

Monday, October 19, 2009

OMG, being filthy rich for doing nothing is like, so hard...

Then again, any publicity's good publicity.
Stephanie Pratt (see: Satan's sibling; see also: retard on "The Hills") was pulled over for DUI around 4 this morning.
She was taken into custody and bail set at $5,000.
You know, driving drunk is a serious crime, but what's worse is putting poor Stephanie in jail while Speidi runs around with that disgusting gingery-looking pube hair on his face. If I had beaten Obama in the election (you can apologize later) beheading Spencer and placing his devil face on the white house fence post would have been my first order of business. I think it would really give the economy the boost it's been looking for.

How not to get your own reality show...

Falcon's aka Balloon Boy's parents are in some deep shiz.
After an investigation into the balloon boy incident, or what I like to call the hour and a half of my life I'll never get back, police have discovered what they believe to be a hoax intended to land them a tv show.
Not only did 6 yr old Falcon pretty much admit during interviews that this was staged, but loving dad over there decided it was best to call his local news station when the event happened, rather than 911.
I feel these conspiracy and neglect charges are coming a little late for the parents- I can't remember ever seeing a case of neglect and child abuse worse than this-- I mean look at his haircut!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Lindsay's really sowwy...

If those eyes don't say "I'm profusely apologetic, have learned my lesson, and realize what the perils of drug addiction have done to my career", well I don't know what does.
Britney junior over here decided to ditch her alcohol education classes (part of her probation for a 2007 DUI) to leave the state for "work" and ended up back in court today.
I, for one, completely understand not coming back after the first 20 minutes of class number one. She probably ran out of the room screaming "fraud" once she realized the class doesn't educate you on how to drink more alcohol.
But really Lindsay, work?

Rose McGowan is aging gracefully

Rose McGowan attended the M.A.D. Paperball in New York a few days ago looking, well... this is what you get for dating Marilyn Manson.
That's why I have a strict policy against a penis and boobs at the same time... you can't have your cake and eat... oh wait, that's gross sounding.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I have no words...

Ice-T's wife, Coco, has a Twitter account. I knew deep down I hated Twitter, but I just couldn't pinpoint exactly why...
now I know.
Not only have I been legally blinded in one and a half eyes but the image you see before you has been permanently sketched in my mind. If I ever commit suicide, consider this picture my note.

Young money milli-onaire... actually 4 of them

Lil Wayne has just confirmed rumors that rapper Nivea (yeah I don't know either) is giving birth to his son and, count 'em, fourth child!

Actress, Lauren London, gave birth to his son just last month adding to a child from his ex-wifey and some college hoe who got damn lucky.

We get it Weezy, along with being short of breath, you're also extremely fertile. But don't you think it would be cheaper to just buy a box of condoms once in a while?

Let's hope he's investing his milli well, he'll be needing it for the next 18 years.