Tuesday, July 27, 2010

This just in... about a week ago because my life is more important than this shit.

And in world news, cocaine and adderol sales have plummeted unexpectedly in Los Angeles, California this week-

Whether you care or not (I'm going on a whim here and saying not) we all know that Lindsay was sentenced to a 90-day jail stay starting on July 20, 2010 as the result of 2 DUIs, excessive partying and violation of probation as well as setting off her very fashionable ankle bracelet during her stay at Cannes Film Festival.

Turns out, this spoiled ass will actually serve approximately 12-15 days in jail due to overcrowding.

I just hope she gets butt-fucked before then. Actually, that's no different from her usual Saturday night so... shit... I don't even know. Did they at least take away her duck-lip plumper and blackberry? Because that's justice.

Guess that... wait, is that a body part or a field of dead grass?

I've said it before and I'll say it agin... this bitch is rich! Like Charlie Murphy, Rick James, Dave Chappelle "I'm Rich Bitch!"

Britney Spears ventured out again looking like a white version of Harrisburg's mayor... only more ghetto if that's possible.

The only thing I can blame it on is the fact that she has children... which studies show can increase the chances of crazy and hair pulling by approximately 97% each month. It's science people; the spawn of Britney upskirt-vagina makes you go bat-shit crazy.

That or the fact the Kevin Federline swallowed an elephant a year ago and is still in better shape than you.

Eat that Paris Hilton... no seriously- eat something.

I'm really not sure if there's such a thing as a "classy" upskirt, but if there is Jennifer Aniston just succeeded in humiliating Britney and Paris in one fell swoop. Here she is getting out of... well some car somewhere- I'm not really concerned with the factual details.

Let's just thank our lucky stars that in the phenomena of upskirts, there are still vaginas hanging out that haven't been infested with every STD and piece of fried chicken known to man.

Thanks Jen- the only people you're not impressing right now are Brad and Angelina. Talk about that on the cover of People magazine... or off yourself, either one.