Friday, September 7, 2012

Oh. My. God.

Look, I tried taking it easy on Jessica Simpson for a few months because she was preggo, but you popped out one baby after 9 months of eating for a family of 10... get it together.

Her new Weight Watchers campaign will start airing soon and Jess is upset she's not losing weight as quickly as she thought she would. Really Jess? Did you think you were gonna pop out a 70 pound monster? Being VIP at McDonalds is a big step down from the red carpet-- perhaps if you can resist the urge to eat your own child for a few hours and grab a salad instead, you'd slim down a bit quicker.

But I'm no expert... I'm only a skinny person.

Slutty Slut Slut

Bitch you're not allowed to smile!!!

Here's Kristen Stewart at LAX yesterday smiling. Yep, the cheating SOB that broke every twi-hard's wet dream, Robert Pattinson, is smiling. She's also wearing one of his old t-shirts. Because that's what I do when I publicly embarrass myself, cheat on my live-in boyfriend with a married man, rip apart happy families and continue to have an acting career without any actual talent... I walk around in my ex's t-shirts and smile.

Someone get me a fucking wooden stake for this heartless whore.