Thursday, December 10, 2009

Well, this is effing disgusting

Evidently, back in '04, Liza Minelli's chauffeur, M'Hammad Soumaya, sued the scary gay man actress/singer for $100 million claiming she would drunkenly beat him and demand sex.

The sexual harrassment lawsuit has finally come to an end, although we don't have details on how much was paid out. According to, this comes just 2 years after settling a lawsuit with ex-husband David Gest over... you guessed it, beatings!

This chick is straight pimp! This is what 2010 is all about people- walk into a bar, slap some dude in the face then demand a top shelf drink and some sloppy gay sex. I just found a new role model...

Lucky bitch.

Gisele Bundchen gave birth to a baby boy yesterday... disproving my theory that she had just gotten fat. Damn.

On the bright side, in 18 years the most beautiful boy/man will be legally ripe for the picking... I just hope I still look this good when I'm 42.

Jesus Christ I'm old.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Cheater doesn't wrap his Peter

While the slew of fame-whores come out of the Woods work, including porn star Holly Sampson (photo), we're learning a lot about Tiger's sexual habits... namely the trashier the better, and no condoms needed of course!
According to US Magazine:
" 'He didn't use a condom,' says Grubbs, who adds that Woods also didn't ask if she was on birth control, either. 'It wasn't even discussed. He just never used one.' Apparently, he also didn't use condoms while bedding 33-year-old restaurant manager Mindy Lawton, according to Lawton's sister, Lynn. 'She said he never wore condoms,' Lynn told British tabloid, News of the World. 'I was so worried she might catch a disease, especially as we suspected he was promiscuous.' "
I'm guessing Elin didn't know about this when she left, taking a crappy pre-nup and vaginal warts with her. You know, $80 million doesn't buy happiness, but it would buy a lifetime's supply of Valtrex... your fault.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

"Golf is a game where white men dress as black pimps" -Tiger Woods

Grrr... well said Tiger. But I guess in your case it's black men dressed as... well, black men who act white and actually think the women they bang on the side aren't in it for the money. Zing!

Let's have a short recap- Waitress bangs Tiger. Tiger gets caught. Wife beats Tiger with 9-iron. Tiger runs like little panzy. Tiger crashes car into tree as wife smashes in rear windows. Police say everything's A-OK!

While Woods originally denied affair rumors, he seemed to change his story, eventually apologizing for his "transgressions" and for bringing shame to his family.

Now that that's out of the way, we get down to the fun part, and by fun part I mean hush money! Rachel Uchitel, the mistress, was set to have a press conference today where she would allegedly confirm the affair reports. Unfortunately for us, it was cancelled according to RadarOnline:

"Tiger's people are desperate to keep Rachel from talking about Tiger and that they were willing to go a long, long way to keep her silent.One source claimed that Rachel was negotiating a $1 million payoff by Tiger's people to remain silent. When asked about this, Gloria Allred told, "no comment."

While Rachel's making bank from being a slut, Elin Woods is getting a nice payoff as well. According to, Elin will receive $5 million immediately, followed by 5 payments equaling a total of $75 million over the next 7 years, provided she stay married to the golfer as well as play the role of loving and dutiful wife for the press.

So yesterday I felt a little bad for her, but not only is she a Swedish model, but all she has to do is pretend she's having sex with a very white black man for a few years and she has enough money to buy Starbucks and lock Britney out. It's like she won the lottery, lucky bitch.

Happy Birthday Crazy!

Our favorite nut case turned 28 yesterday. Brit celebrated with boyfriend (i.e. guy who won't marry her for fear of turning into K-Fed) Jason Trawick at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood.
In celebration of her even making it to 28 without losing one of her children, putting Starbucks out of business or eating her own hair extentions (in public)... let's look back at the old Britney Spears we know and love.

Video: YouTube Pic: Hollywood Grind

What the Helen happened?

Here's "Twister" star Helen Hunt looking a bit dishevelled these days, but I guess that's expected seeing as how her last big movie is 13 years old! Was it really that long ago?

Look on the bright side Helen; nobody cares that your career is in the shitter when you look like the walking dead. Just ask Madonna.