Thursday, December 3, 2009

"Golf is a game where white men dress as black pimps" -Tiger Woods

Grrr... well said Tiger. But I guess in your case it's black men dressed as... well, black men who act white and actually think the women they bang on the side aren't in it for the money. Zing!

Let's have a short recap- Waitress bangs Tiger. Tiger gets caught. Wife beats Tiger with 9-iron. Tiger runs like little panzy. Tiger crashes car into tree as wife smashes in rear windows. Police say everything's A-OK!

While Woods originally denied affair rumors, he seemed to change his story, eventually apologizing for his "transgressions" and for bringing shame to his family.

Now that that's out of the way, we get down to the fun part, and by fun part I mean hush money! Rachel Uchitel, the mistress, was set to have a press conference today where she would allegedly confirm the affair reports. Unfortunately for us, it was cancelled according to RadarOnline:

"Tiger's people are desperate to keep Rachel from talking about Tiger and that they were willing to go a long, long way to keep her silent.One source claimed that Rachel was negotiating a $1 million payoff by Tiger's people to remain silent. When asked about this, Gloria Allred told, "no comment."

While Rachel's making bank from being a slut, Elin Woods is getting a nice payoff as well. According to, Elin will receive $5 million immediately, followed by 5 payments equaling a total of $75 million over the next 7 years, provided she stay married to the golfer as well as play the role of loving and dutiful wife for the press.

So yesterday I felt a little bad for her, but not only is she a Swedish model, but all she has to do is pretend she's having sex with a very white black man for a few years and she has enough money to buy Starbucks and lock Britney out. It's like she won the lottery, lucky bitch.

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