Thursday, January 29, 2009

Jessica Simpson ate Tony Romo

Here's Jessica Simpson performing at the 99.9 Kiss Country 24th Annual Chili Cook Off in Florida. Holy Hell, what happened? Well, at least your hair looks good.

Britney and Joaquin, a match made in crazy heaven

Can someone please explain
to me what the hell happened to Joaquin Phoenix. He went from sexy leading man to hobo on the street corner rapping for spare change. We need Britneys dad in here to steal all his money and cut him off from frappucinos... worked for her.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Death at Slipknot concert-- no one saw that coming

29-year-old Cory Nickels died this weekend at the Slipknot concert at the Mid-America Center in IA.
Emergency personnel helped him out of the concert at 10:30 when he began feeling ill, but he suffered a cardiac arrest and was rushed to a nearby hospital.
The man, who has had a history of heart problems, was pronounced dead shortly after.

Because when I have a history of heart problems I skip the Celine Dion concert and go straight for the mosh pits. Good call...

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Jennifer "loves to do it" Hewitt

It's only right that after she gets dumped by Scottish actor Ross McCall on Christmas Eve, J.Love would get slammed by all her exes on none other than Howard Stern.
Ex Boyfriend and LFO singer Rich Cronin stopped in Wednesday to dish how she sucked him in and then made him the pansy in the relationship...
Rich says she bought him an infinity ring from Cartier, "She gave me a ring. She goes, 'Listen, I want to marry you. We're going to be together forever."
Forever, I mean, 2 years later Rich says,
"She was in New York doing a movie, and I get a phone call from someone at my record company. They go, 'Rich, get Us Weekly. It just came out. [I'm thinking] maybe there is something cool about me. No, it was a fucking thing about Jennifer Love Hewitt in New York City… with seven guys. I was on the bed having a panic attack, so I called her up and was like, 'Do you have something to say to me?' I was the girl in this relationship. And she goes, 'Listen, don’t you fucking call me up like this when I am at work. If you believe that bullshit, shame on you.' She hung up."
A few days later she breaks up with him over the phone right before hanging up on him to go do the Tonight Show.
What's better you ask? Jeff Timmons of 98 Degrees dated J.Love and not only got the same line of crap, but the same infinity ring from Cartier. Cold.

This bitch makes the Jonas' 20-second phone break-up look like a fancy dinner and break-up sex.

Watch out McDreamy

The bachelor himself has made a return to E.R. for its finale. He got the blue scrubs back on for the show that made him famous and is currently filming scenes that will air Thursday, April 2nd.

Suck it in girl...

The ex-whore next door and pudgier of Hef's girls, Bridgette Marquette is now filming her new show Bridget's Sexiest Beaches. Here she is on the Gold Coast in Australia sucking in those last 10 pounds. I do like the stripper-inspired metallic gold suit though, very chic. Is she classier on her own with no fashion sense or in a mansion having sex with 80-yr old balls? Your call.

Are Miley and Justin more annoying than Heidi and Spencer?

16-year old Miley Cyrus and 20-year old bf/model Justin Gaston just headed back to Miley and Billy Ray's place after hanging out at the very posh Koi
last night... to "sleep."
Now, I'm not saying Billy Ray doesn't deserve father of the year but... yes, yes I am saying that.
When I was 16, I wasn't allowed to go to my boyfriend's house after school to do homework, but this little whore and half invites him over for sleepovers with the family?
Next she'll be pregnant in Louisianna with a shaved head beating paparazzi's cars with umbrellas... I called it.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Divorce rumors bring out the best in couples

SJP and Broderick haven't been working very hard at disproving their splitting up rumors, but last night they made a stone-faced, hand-holding appearance for the paps going out to dinner in Manhattan.

Sorry kids, you're not fooling anyone.

Pill Poppin Paula

Paula's at it again. The American Idol judge claims to be the inspiration for much of the pop culture today and even takes credit for Rihanna and Beyonce's successes saying "My videos stand the test of time. They are like the almanac for every performer. Even Rihanna has come up to me and said 'I hope you don't mind.' And Beyonce. You can see the influence of what I've done. It's really fun to see that I've left a mark. It was my idea to create an animated character. It takes a lot of focus, a lot time, and a lot of money."
So let's get this straight, her video in which she seduces a cartoon cat while tap dancing in an alley way paved the road for Rihanna and Beyonce?
Honey, put the pills down and go call someone, 911, Simon Cowell, we don't care.

Surprise, Surprise

The spawn of bat-eating kook Ozzy Osborne, Kelly, has entered rehab yet again. Mom Sharon says "Yeah, Kelly's in rehab. What else can we say? She knew that it was the right thing to do at this point and we're proud that she did it. The family is all standing behind her. Kelly knew that she needed help and she's getting it."

I'm not nearly as worried about her rampant drug and alcohol use as I am about her impeccable fashion sense. I cant decide which to stare at more, those "sultry" smoky eyes, or the hot pink vagina stuck to her face.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Best Friends Forever!!!

"BFF" winner Brittany Flickinger was left high and dry at Sundance when Paris ditched her several times throughout the night to hang out with only the classiest of celebs- i.e. Aubrey O'Day former member of Danity Kane and current Playboy cover whore.
Paris seems to think Brittany has no personality and is already casting for the next installment of her reality show "My New BFF".
Sorry Britt, maybe you could try your luck on Ray-J's new reality love show. It would involve some peeing and painful looking sex faces but way less exposure to STDs. Cha-Ching!

Aren't we sick of her yet?

Britney Spears is all work and no play getting ready for her Circus tour and the release of a new single I hear may be too hot for radio. Look at those abs- it proves that money really does solve all life's problems. Except that she's still bat-shit crazy... money can't help you there girl.
I'm beginning the countdown to the next time she's strapped to a gurney with a crazed look in her eye. Ah, that's the Britney we all know and love.

My copy of "The Notebook" just went in the trash

Rachel McAdams who I thought was still with Ryan Gosling, or back with Ryan Gosling... or shackin up with him at least, was spotted canoodling this a-hole at the inaugural balls this week. All I see is gross teeth, and greasy hair... and this guy didn't build her a damn house. Bitch.

Kanye loves Obama, and mullets

Kanye performed his number 1 hit "Heartless" at the "Be The Change" youth ball on Tuesday, changing some of the lines to fit the occasion in honor of President Barack Obama. Oh, and he sported a mullet for the historical night. I don't see how he made a song about some heartless bitch into an Obama praise, but I do see a new hairstyle catching on in the black community. Someone better tell Nick Hogan.

If you're alive; sucks to be you

Heath Ledger receives a coveted Oscar nom for his role in A Dark Knight. The Best Supporting Actor is in for some fierce competition with Josh Brolin, Robert Downey Jr., Philip Seymour Hoffman and Michael Shannon. I haven't seen most of the movies these stars were nominated in, but I think it's safe to say the only competition would be Brolin for his role in Milk.

I mean Robert Downey for playing a black guy in Tropic Thunder wins out over the dead guy? I think not...

What do you say?