Thursday, June 10, 2010

Ode to Gay Face

I'm a little under the weather today so rather than use my superior wit and amazing sense of humor, I'll take the easy way out and provide my whopping 8 readers with a montage of some of the best gay/straight faces in Hollywood today... enjoy!

Spencer Pratt: Single & Ready to Mingle

Heidi has filed for separation from her long-time boyfriend/husband/captor Spencer Pratt. And while the whole thing is really just a stunt to promote some sad excuse for a reality show that will definitely be picked up be E! I'll play into the bs for the sake of blogging.

Look, I'm not a fan of devil albino ginger beard any more than you are. But I always kind of felt like Heidi and Spencer were a package deal. Besides, without him, who will move Heidi's eyebrows up and down to give her some semblance of facial expression?

It's like that movie twins!

I would have yelled for Paris to watch out... but to be honest it would be my dream come true to wake up and find that Snooki showed up to an awards show hungry and ate paris Hilton, then died from herpes-like food poisoning.

Evidently, my hopes and dreams will again go unrealized since rumor has it these two became friends after meeting at Sunday's MTV Movie Awards.

It makes sense though, now that Nicole Ritchie got skinny and stopped being a drunken whore with bad hair, Paris needed a new BFF to make her look skinny and slightly less infected.

Does the word slut only apply after the age of 18?

After receiving some criticism over a risque performance in London, Miley Cyrus took to her blog:

"I had such a blast and was so honored to be on that stage. That being said during my performance I supposedly “KISSED A GIRL” and this is the newest thing to cause controversy. I promise you I did not kiss her and it is ridiculous that two entertainers cant even rock out with each other without the media making it some type of story. I really hope my fans are not disappointed in me because the truth is I did nothing wrong. I got up there and did my job which is to perform to the best of my ability. I just want to put an end to this right now and just say one thing to everyone out there making this performance such a big deal.GET OVER IT! NOTHING HAPPENED. THERE ARE WAYYYYYYY MORE IMPORTANTTHINGS IN THE WORLD. Lets start focusing a little less on making up ignorant rumors and focus a little more on world peace! We gotta a lot of work to do if we wan this earth to be here much longer. Lets make a change! It wouldn’t hurt the world to show a little more love."

I feel like I need to blame Billy Ray for this blog post just as much as I blame him for the whore that popped out of his wife's vagina. Because when you're faced with bad press... Americans just wanna hear you spout off some crap about Wal-mart or world peace... works everytime. It's like she just transformed into an angel with rollback prices!