Friday, November 20, 2009

The woman slowly becoming my replacement for Heidi and Spencer

Carrie Prejean's sex tape scandal seems like it will never end... at least until she sells a few copies of her book that is.
But here to defend his sister, his family, and his honor- Billy Prejean everybody:
"It was from a cell phone, it was supposed to be totally confidential. I think people should move on."
Still, even he admits that he would watch the tapes if they were published: "If they were put in front of me I'd probably watch it." (RadarOnline)
Oh my God, go back to Kentucky.

Do we really need more reasons to hate Miley?

Early this morning just outside Richmond, VA, one of Miley Cyrus' tour busses flipped over leaving the driver dead and a crew member injured. The AP reports:
"Sgt. Thomas Molnar said the bus overturned around 8:15 a.m. about 40 miles (65 kilometers) south of Richmond. One of the other nine passengers had minor injuries. Police would not identify those aboard. A wrecker arrived late Friday morning to haul away the black-and-maroon luxury tour bus, which was on its side in a ditch off the highway where it had apparently skidded for several hundred feet. According to Miley Cyrus' Web site, the pop singer is scheduled to perform Sunday in Greensboro, North Carolina."
My condolences to the driver's family.
Even more unfortunate: Miley was not on the bus.
Back to the drawing board...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

What's so funny you ask? Rape!

Actress Sofia Vergara (yeah, I don't know either) stopped by The View yesterday to bring a little comic relief to the ladies... in the form of rape jokes of course!

When asked how she (now 37) pulled off having a son who's only 18, she replies saying she was raped... and proceeds to awkwardly laugh. What's one better? The rest of the ladies laugh along with her and continue the conversation as if it never happened. The only one who looks even slightly uncomfortable is Whoopi... but come on Whoopi, she probably isn't talking about "rape rape" right?

Maybe we should ask Roman Polanski his opinion.

Thanks TMZ for the vid.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Twilight just got a whole lot scarier!

Here's actress Nikki Reed (Rosalie Hale) at the New Moon premiere in Westwood, CA.
I'll start by saying, good outfit choice; as long as you look better than Kristen Stewart (which is not hard) you win!
Next, I'd like to denounce my love of the Twilight saga here and now. I happened to glance behind Nikki and realized that no matter how large the phenom, I will be no part of that disgusting looking group of fans.
If I were Nikki, I would have stabbed them with that pen by now.

The most shocking news I've ever heard

Victoria Beckham sat down with Allure magazine for the December issue, dishing about everything from eating habits to sex with Becks (obviously the only reason anyone is reading this):
On tanning: "I don't self-tan anymore; it's frustrating when people criticize my color. It's the color that I am! I wear sunblock, but I live in a hot climate."
On pajamas: "I tend to wear nothing, but David bought me these little sets from Agent Provocateur, his favorite store."
On being called Posh or Victoria: "I'm so respectful of the Spice Girls, and I love all the girls dearly, but it's nice now that people know my name. But either is a compliment. I mean, I've been called a lot worse."
Salad or hamburger: "Salad. I'm not going to lie. I'm not one of these people that says, "Oh, I eat hamburgers."
On having sex or getting some shut-eye: "Sex. I'm getting into bed with David Beckham every night, so, you know, there'd be something wrong if I said 'sleep'."
Whoaaaaa! Hold the phone- this bitch doesn't eat hamburgers??? Who knew...

Judging by her videos, the Grammy's are going to be set on fire this year...

Talk about a snub! Lady Gaga got a nom last year for Just Dance in the "you've never heard of it because it's one of those crappy pre-show awards" Dance Recording category at the Grammys.
Even though this has been her break out year, releasing several singles from The Fame and outselling almost everyone, because she was technically nominated last year, she is ineligible for the Best New Artist category this year.
Do you know how many gay people you just pissed off Grammys? They better heighten security before someone gets bitch slapped and sprinkled with glitter!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

If I want to touch Robert Pattinson's naughty part, does that make me a "Twi-hard?"

The Twilight stars gathered in Westwood, CA last night for the premiere of the latest in the saga: New Moon.
Fans started arriving as early as Thursday morning, from as far away as New York, just to catch a glimpse of one of the stars Monday night as they walked the red carpet. The lines of fans stretched well past the corner of the block.
How f*ing ridiculous. Look, Rob Pattinson gives me a Twi-hardon too, but no way am I sleeping on a sidewalk for 4 days just so I can see a glimpse of the back of his retarded hair.
That's what Edward blow-up dolls are for. Shwing!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Megan Fox is pretty... stupid

Megan Fox decided to share some important viewpoints with the New York Times recently, and we're not talking healthcare crisis or gay marriage, this stuff is deep:
On haters: "Women tear each other apart. Girls think I'm a slut, and I've been in the same relationship since I was 18. The problem is, if they think you're attractive, you're either stupid or a whore or a dumb whore."
On, um, other things?: "I've learned that being a celebrity is like being a sacrificial lamb. At some point, no matter how high the pedestal that they put you on, they're going to tear you down. And I created a character as an offering for the sacrifice. I'm not willing to give my true self up. It's a testament to my real personality that I would go so far as to make up another personality to give to the world. The reality is, I'm hidden amongst all the insanity. Nobody can find me."
Let me take a minute to clear things up for you Megan; girls think you're stupid because, you're stupid. What you just said makes absolutely no sense and I am now dumber having heard you speak. Thank you.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Yes, we know, you got boobs...

Amy Winehouse was spotted out n about flaunting her new cans for the world to see.
We get it trainwreck, you got fake boobs, they're great, I would know. But do you have to literally let them hang out of your shirt all day?
Then again, I guess if my face looked like that I would too.

Sad part is... people will actually buy this shit

The worst human beings in the history of the world have just penned a book together explaining... wait for it... wait for it... "How to Be Famous: Our Guide to Looking the Part, Playing the Press and Becoming a Tabloid Fixture."
The book hits stores November 16th and has such chapters as "Playing the Villain" as well as picture instructions on "How to say 'I hate you' without saying a word."
Well, here's how to say I hate you with words... Heidi and Spencer, I f*ing hate you.
For the love of America and the need to not make ourselves look any dumber than we already are... please do not buy this book. I'm begging you. The French will never let us live it down.

Chris Brown's PR people are collectively committing suicide as we speak...

Because his newest single is out and he wants to butcher his record sales, Chris Brown released this statement to MTV News following Rihanna's interview with Diane Sawyer:
"While I respect Rihanna's right to discuss the specific events of February 8, I maintain my position that all of the details should remain a private matter between us," he said in the statement. "I do appreciate her support and wish her the best. I am extremely sorry for what I did, and I accept accountability for my actions. At this point, I am taking the proper steps to learn about me and grow from my mistakes. I only hope that others in similar situations can learn from our experience as well. Abuse of any kind is always wrong. The rest I leave it to God."
So after abusing his girlfriend, then showing remorse by partying and jet-skiing for a week, he decided to ice the cake by telling Rihanna to shut her mouth... why don't you just twitter about how Diane Sawyer is next up for a beat down and finger-biting while you're at it Chris? And I thought frappucino-crazed Britney was a publicist's worst nightmare.

Americans aren't the dumbest people in the world afterall...

Here's Britney Spears looking as cockeye-nippled as always, only this time, there's an air of Australian pissed-offness surrounding her after many concert goers walked out on Friday night mid-show asking for their money back. According to The Sunday Telegraph:
"Spears mimed most of her songs on stage, singing only on ballads... The lack of big screens - masking Spears' miming and taking the focus away from her rigid performance - left many in the cheap seats fuming. Fans complained that the US pop star spent large portions of the in-the-round show with her back to them."
Many in the audience complained that you wouldn't have been able to tell if it was even the real Britney on stage.
Look Australia, if you buy a ticket to a Britney Spears concert expecting anything more than her rolling around on the stage not wearing a bra and drinking frappucinos... well you're dumber than Americans. And we're going to make sure the French know about this.

Monday, November 9, 2009


Wait, I'm not done yet... bahahahahahahahaaaaaaahhahahhahahahaaa!

A New Zealand based company has started using Hilton's image in their billboard advertisements, pissing off princess enough to get her lawyers involved.

According to the Sunday Star Times:

"Hilton's Los Angeles-based manager Jamie Freed said Wellington billboard company, Media5, had no permission to use Hilton's image, and they could expect to hear from Hilton's lawyers."

How can they say that's wrong? This is like using an image of genital herpes and writing "scary" across the top, it's just fact.

Who cares? He's the ugly one

Prince Harry and his on-again-off-again blonde, Chelsy Davy, were seen together at a London rugby match on Saturday.

Could this mean they're back on again? Or just using each other for fame/sex/pissing off granny?

Seeing as how no one cares about Harry because he's neither the cute one nor the one taking over as King, I think he should really knock Queen Mum's socks off and date someone like Amy Winehouse. I would literally have to shut down my blog because there could be nothing worth reporting ever again after that happened. Barmy!