Saturday, March 20, 2010

Did Starbucks run out of coffee? It's my only explanation...

Here's the Britney we know and love i.e. bat-shit crazy Britney, shopping in L.A.

I have no real reason for posting this picture except to say, Jesus fucking Christ! Are you not rich? Do you not have stylists? Brush your damn hair and wear real clothes. You look like a 27-year old cabbage patch doll.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Kids do the darndest things

By now we all know the controversy surrounding Jermaine Jackson's son, Jaafar, shooting one of Michael's sons with a stun gun... which was probably well deserved (just throwin it out there).

Turns out this isn't Jaafar's first run in with gun controversy. According to reports, has a home video showcasing the lil man's love for violence:

"The scene -- which appears to have been shot several months ago -- begins with Jaafar barging into Jermajesty's room, Airsoft gun drawn, and then ordering his little brother to get on the ground. Jaafar pushes Jermajesty to the ground, pretends to pistol-whip him, handcuffs him and then gives the youngster an incomplete version of his Miranda rights."

"Jaafar then tells his brother, "Don't move or I'll bust your head open."Jaafar then cocks the gun, points it to Jermajesty's head, pulls the trigger and you hear the click. Jermajesty plays dead and Jaafar drags him by the leg out of the room."

This kid is obviously the biggest namist on the face of the Earth (if there is such a thing). He likes shooting at kids with pussy names like "Jermajesty" and "Blanket", pretty badass if you ask me. I can only hope Jaafar gets a taser for his birthday and heads straight for Brad and Angelina's house.

Adam Sandler has really hit a slump

Here's Heidi Montag making a cameo in the Adam Sandler movie "Just Go With It" on Monday.

I know this because the dumb whore serious actress had it plastered all over her twitter:

"I just had THE BEST day of my life filming my first comedy movie!!!!! It was beyond what I could have ever dreamed!!!!!"

"I am wearing my sailor shorts I designed in the movie!!!"

"I LOVE Adam Sandler!!"

And just in case you missed it, don't worry; her new manager, Aiden Chase, has it covered:

"Heidi's dreams are big. She believes them, and I believe them."
I really thought after she fired devil ginger-beard as manager, she'd have a heck of a time finding representation who could market a man-chinned recyclable; well done Chase.

But I have to ask, what the hell is this movie about? Because unless it's a sequel to "Mannequin", except this time Adam Sandler falls for a plastic tranny until one of the boobs deflate, I just can't put 2 and 2 together.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

It doesn't take an autopsy to know this one

Since a celebrity death is now a special occasion for everyone to get the rest of those 15 minutes in, according to E! News:

"After being introduced by Corey Feldman shortly before Haim died, he began dating 27-year-old Daisy de la Hoya, the star of VH1 reality show Daisy of Love...
"I'm sooooooo devastated right now," de la Hoya tweeted this morning. "This is the worst day ever I can't believe this.
"The romance between the two was very new. "Daisy loved The Lost Boys, and she always had a crush on Corey," a source close to De la Hoya tells us. "Their first official date was two weeks ago, but they'd been hanging out a little while before that."

So it wasn't a drug overdose afterall; it was spontaneous penis combustion. You can now rest in peace Cory, I'm pretty sure they don't have STDs in heaven.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Life's full of regrets Barbie...

Back in the day, Ricky "Shake Your Bon-Bon" Martin had a budding musical career. And then that old bitch Barbara Walters came along.

According to, Barbie recently admitted the infamous interview with Ricky in 2000 was one of her only regrets:

"In 2000, I pushed Ricky Martin very hard to admit if he was gay or not, and the way he refused to do it made everyone decide that he was. A lot of people say that destroyed his career, and when I think back on it now I feel it was an inappropriate question."

Really Barbara? I guess after writing that book of memoirs detailing your disgustingly wrinkly sex life, you felt that all the readers had enough regret to make up for your lack there of.

Besides, you really think you outted Ricky Martin? Don't flatter yourself; he was in Menudo.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

What exactly do Manhattan police uniforms look like these days?

R&B singer, D'Angelo, was arrested yesterday morning around 2 a.m. in the West Village of Manhattan after mistaking a female police officer for a prostitute.
The singer offered the police officer $40 for oral sex, which resulted in his arrest and a search of his car.
The best part- inside the car she found over $12,000.
I didn't even know he was Jewish!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Do you think when he looks down he can even see it?

Playgirl magazine has reportedly talked about offering Jon Gosselin $20,000 to pose naked for a shoot. To be fair, they didn't try to trick anyone into thinking it would actually be sexy. According to Life & Style, a rep for the magazine states:

"[The shoot would be] more of a novelty than an actual sexy shoot. We discussed it, and we'd offer him only $20,000. His star is extinguishing and he's not very [well endowed]."

According to ex, Hailey Glassman, that's about $10,000 an inch. Ouch. I'm surprised they'd offer him anything. There's nothing sexy about a fat asian rolling around on a bearskin rug while playing with a bluetooth that makes his penis look like a paper clip in comparison.

I would normally insert Kate Gosselin marriage joke here, but it's unfair to Jon that all he had to work with was a baby dick and a cavernous hole that swallows whole cars.

Close God... but no cigar

Because that hair bump is like its own force field, Snooki survived the roof collapsing at Purim nightclub last week. According to E! News:

"Its okay Vin and I are still alive. Omg roof just collapsed at the purim event!," Snooki tweeted throughout the commotion. "We thought the dj was beatin the beat hardcore but nope,the roof couldn't handle snooki and vin."Luckily, only a few clubgoers suffered minor injuries, while the majority fist pumped late into the night--Sex and the City's Chris Noth included

Yes Snooki, it wasn't God trying to make up for everything that's wrong with the world, it was just the dj beatin that beat. I'm not surprised though, if she hasn't died yet from the combination of skin cancer, stds and surviving on nothing but mozzerella cheese, she might be invincible.

I now have a reason to go to Barnes & Noble... besides making fun of the people

The walking pile of cocaine and crazy herself, Lindsay Lohan, has finally decided to give us something deeper and more profound than half lesbian twittering. According to E! News:
"I write a lot and it's very therapeutic for me because then I can see what's happening on paper," she tells Britain's OK! magazine. "I've started writing a book. It's going to take a while, all my life experiences. I started writing it a year ago. There's a lot to put down, you know?"

Yes Lindsay, we know there's so much you need to teach the world. Let me save you the time and effort and tell you what the book will look like: 200 blank pages with a little cocaine residue in the cracks, followed by a stick figure picture and her name signed in crayon.