What exactly do Manhattan police uniforms look like these days?

R&B singer, D'Angelo, was arrested yesterday morning around 2 a.m. in the West Village of Manhattan after mistaking a female police officer for a prostitute.

The singer offered the police officer $40 for oral sex, which resulted in his arrest and a search of his car.

The best part- inside the car she found over $12,000.

I didn't even know he was Jewish!

Do you think when he looks down he can even see it?

Playgirl magazine has reportedly talked about offering Jon Gosselin $20,000 to pose naked for a shoot. To be fair, they didn't try to trick anyone into thinking it would actually be sexy. According to Life & Style, a rep for the magazine states:

"[The shoot would be] more of a novelty than an actual sexy shoot. We discussed it, and we'd offer him only $20,000. His star is extinguishing and he's not very [well endowed]."

According to ex, Hailey Glassman, that's about $10,000 an inch. Ouch. I'm surprised they'd offer him anything. There's nothing sexy about a fat asian rolling around on a bearskin rug while playing with a bluetooth that makes his penis look like a paper clip in comparison.

I would normally insert Kate Gosselin marriage joke here, but it's unfair to Jon that all he had to work with was a baby dick and a cavernous hole that swallows whole cars.

Close God... but no cigar

Because that hair bump is like its own force field, Snooki survived the roof collapsing at Purim nightclub last week. According to E! News:

"Its okay Vin and I are still alive. Omg roof just collapsed at the purim event!," Snooki tweeted throughout the commotion. "We thought the dj was beatin the beat hardcore but nope,the roof couldn't handle snooki and vin."Luckily, only a few clubgoers suffered minor injuries, while the majority fist pumped late into the night--Sex and the City's Chris Noth included

Yes Snooki, it wasn't God trying to make up for everything that's wrong with the world, it was just the dj beatin that beat. I'm not surprised though, if she hasn't died yet from the combination of skin cancer, stds and surviving on nothing but mozzerella cheese, she might be invincible.

I now have a reason to go to Barnes & Noble... besides making fun of the people

The walking pile of cocaine and crazy herself, Lindsay Lohan, has finally decided to give us something deeper and more profound than half lesbian twittering. According to E! News:

"I write a lot and it's very therapeutic for me because then I can see what's happening on paper," she tells Britain's OK! magazine. "I've started writing a book. It's going to take a while, all my life experiences. I started writing it a year ago. There's a lot to put down, you know?"

Yes Lindsay, we know there's so much you need to teach the world. Let me save you the time and effort and tell you what the book will look like: 200 blank pages with a little cocaine residue in the cracks, followed by a stick figure picture and her name signed in crayon.

I don't care about your hair, you had sex with Jon Gosselin.

Guess what kids, no Santa Claus next year...

After divorcing the shit out of some fat Asian, Kate Gosselin is putting that child support to great use. Here she is sporting $7,000 worth of hair extensions after telling People magazine she wanted a new look to start off a new year.

In related news, Kate still has a vagina the size of Texas. Dig in boys!

It takes a lot of money to look that trashy

Heidi and Spencer have finally stopped doing stupid shit all day everyday, so they really needed to pull something out of their asses to get those last few minutes in... ta daaa! Heidi's addicted to plastic surgery.

In the new issue of People, Heidi admits that since November 20th, she's undergone 10 different procedures including breast implants, a nose job, and getting her tranny chin shaved down.

The sad part is she could have saved a lot of money trying to trick us into thinking she's a woman by just not marrying Spencer. He's definitely on the receiving end...

This is what happens when some women get dumped... thank God I'm not one of them

It's officially been 7 months since Tony Romo ended his relationship with Jessica Simpson... so can someone explain to me why she still looks like she's hoovering chocolate every night and crying over Lifetime movies?

It was Tony Romo, not Brad Pitt... someone get the girl some sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka already.

It'll put us both out of our misery.